around here they use words like "ghastly" and "dreadful"

The old soap star rubbed my ankle with her wrinkled toe under the table:     her boyfriend is a professional killer from another country:     he was right next to her:     he has a funny accent:      he is her son's age:     her son is a dear friend:     the toilets in her country home are unfucking real:     they do not have handles on the side:     you have to pull a silver rod up from the top of the tank:     the toilet bowl is so clean and big you could bathe a child in it:     two children were running around:     they smashed the keys on the grand piano:     they screamed:     their mother said something about Valium:     the old soap star said:     "oh, dear, please beat them before you resort to drugs":     she is wise:     a plastic tube connected her brother to a hissing oxygen tank:     he told tales about actresses who only made movies in black and white:     the little boy bounced against my chair:     he cupped his hands around my ear:     he whispered:     "motherfucker tittie-sucker two-ball bitch":     he laughed:     he ran away:     my dear friend taught him that phrase just to fuck with his cousin's wife:     his cousin's wife put the kids to bed:     she came back to the table:     she told us all about how much she hates to fuck her husband:     her husband was sitting right next to me:     he said something back:     they played smiling i-hate-you ping-pong:     it was amazing to watch:     more drinks made it more bitter:     more better:     my dear friend changed the subject by taking off his shirt to show off his new yoga body:     he is fucking his yoga instructor:     he cranked up the stereo:     he danced around rapping:     the bridge is over:     the bridge is over:     he told his cousin's wife that she is a ball-breaking cunt:     he actually said "cunt":     the bridge is over:     the trained killer said nigger a bunch of times:     he also hates gays:     the old soap star's brother on the oxygen tank is gay:     she told the trained killer:     "shut the fuck up":     my dear friend asked me to tell his family the story about the threesome with my wife and the hooker:     I put my hand over my eyes:     he insisted:     I told the story:     he scolded me for skipping over the best part:     he told it for me:     I was fucking the hooker from behind:     the hooker was eating my wife's pussy:     my wife was staring into my eyes:     she kept saying:     "fuck her harder":     "fuck her harder":     everyone laughed:     we are divorced now:     but not because of that:     the old soap star fingered the hummus:     she was drunk like everyone else:     she licked her finger clean:    unsexily :     she nodded off:     the trained killer lifted her out of her chair:     he carried her beautiful old bones back to her room like a fireman:      everyone talked shit about him when he left:     my dear friend mocked his accent:     it was funny:     the man with the oxygen tank said the trained killer is a fucking dolt:     I had never heard someone call another person "dolt" in real life:     my dear friend said the trained killer has a cock like a fire hose:     he said his mother goes through a bottle of vodka and lube every day:     his cousin's wife said good for her and her ancient pussy:     my dear friend told us that the motherfucker tittie-sucker two-ball bitch with the even bigger estate down the road is an heir of the dude who invented felt:     this cannot be true.


4 x like a billion = how much I love you:

ana c. said...

"he danced around rapping"

i read "raping"
instead of "rapping"

rollerfink said...

yum, i love hummus

xTx said...

your thanksgiving sounded way more awesomer than mine


TC said...

It's that warm holiday spirit of a family sharing and caring and feeling the love and the Norm Rockwell it's-all-good together just like God planned it.

Thanks once again Otto for making this cozy little spot the next best thing to home.

For all of us.



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