: EVERY MOMENT IS LOVELY, YES :

my pin # is 0369

If there was a person dying inside the warm banking area next to the ATMs, I could not insert my card in the door properly to save her life. So frustrating. And even if I did, she would probably ask me for a ciggie and when I said NOPE a little too enthusiastically as I deposited a check for thousands of dollars -- a gift from family -- she would call me a fucking Jew bastard who fucks for money. "WHO FUCKS FOR MONEY!" she would scream!

I do not know why I am saying "would" and "if." I always put my ATM card in the wrong way, and she actually said that shit, and I actually did that shit. You know, I thought about not going in when I saw her fat ass crashed out on the floor, but I hate to stereotype people and I hate even more for people to be stereotypes. So she spewed racist shit at me (I am not even Jewish) and I just laughed at her. LAUGHED AT HER! And to make her feel even worse about stereotyping me, I crumpled a few bills and tossed them in her general direction, all casual like, as I pushed my way back into the cold, cruel world.


~O~

25 x like a billion = how much I love you:

rollerfink said...

to make her feel even even worse about stereotyping you, you should have fucked her FOR FREE with your uncircumcised penis. also, your family sounds nice.

~otto~ said...

How did you know I am uncircumcised???

rollerfink said...

"ana c told me"

or

"webcam"

i haven;t decided yet.

gamefaced said...

'smash the jew chick before it hatches!'

actics.

xTx said...

you are very jewish and very racist nword chink fag.

"raortua"

ana c. said...

yeah that's right i told him

~otto~ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
~otto~ said...

did you tell him the skin is big and flappy like a parachute?

ana c. said...

and delicious

jaja the word= "DICSw"

~otto~ said...

wait, did you just circumcise me???

ana c. said...

um so you didn't notice?

~otto~ said...

only when I jumped off the roof and tried to deploy my foreskin parachute. ouch.

my word verification was "equif"

ana c. said...

i'm sorry
i'll make it up to you
later

~otto~ said...

Well, I do like dolphin pie with whipped baby seal cream

TC said...

Otto,

I hate to interrupt a budding courtship, but this post has hung in the stale air of my bad mind for long enough now to allow me to be sure that what drew me to it was not just the immense gratitude I feel to you for having the nerve to reflect natural born amerikan cruelty and coldness during one of these bogus national festival seasons, no, it was not merely that; it was, once again, your disinclination (refusal) to lie. How refreshing.

(And by the way, that charming body-obstacle/person who is your heroine... I do believe she doubles as a screen star... not that you would be so desperate as to have been lured into seeing a sick dog of an indie film called "Frownland", but I do believe she's the female lead.)

Mariana Soffer said...

ATM s are not made for saving life, banks do not give a shit about it, they just care about making money, that is why is a fucked up word, among other things.

Cool Post

~otto~ said...

Thanks, Mariana. Banks suck.

And thanks, Tom. I appreciate you saying that. Means a lot. (Also, I added "Frownland" to my Netflix queue.)

ANNA-LYS said...

She certainly knows how to earn a buck or two ;-)

~otto~ said...

Indeed, she is wise

Chick said...

Does the extra skin down there keep you warm in the winter when you are out on the street in the cold not stereotyping people? (I always put my card in wrong too).

~otto~ said...

It does, like a fleece hoodie made of stretchy skin.

~otto~ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Wyatt Junker said...

Funny. Hee hee. Who fucks for money. WHO FUCKS FOR MONEY!

Thems some principles.

Lupo said...

I finished writing something for you.

Somedays you become my style guide.

Especially like today, when the fish just aren't biting.

pete -

~otto~ said...

An honor, Pete. Amazing words, and especially the order you put them in, one right after another in exactly the right spot. Stellar, in fact.

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