You don't understand
You don't understand
I have no words
I think I'm going to die
I don't care
I don't care
It was the craziest night of my life
I'm shaking
You have no idea
I'm calling you because I need redemption
And you know if I say it was the craziest night of my life then
Dude
I have no words
My nana won't even speak to me
I met this guy named Carlos from Rhode Island
I have no idea what he's doing down here
We go to a strip club
I hook up with these two women
The most beautiful women you've ever seen in your life
I can't even tell you
We go to this place that has hot tubs
One of them looked like Shakira
The other looked like a Nubian princess
I'm in the hot tub with both of them
A gram down here is seven bucks
Seven bucks!
And it's the best shit you've ever had in your life
Pure
One is nineteen, the other is twenty
Do you understand?
I was like
Dude, I'm shaking
I'm telling you
Hellnuts
Hellnuts!
The most beautiful women you've ever seen in your life
There are gunshots down here
Do you understand?
You have to understand these women were fighting over five dollars
I was like just take it
It's Christmas
I haven't even tipped my doorman yet
My pupils are shooting out of my head
My pupils are shooting into the solar system
Insane
Insane!
Do you know what it's like to get blown to the sound of gunshots?
!
Do you know?
Unbelievable
I don't even know where to begin
Before that I went to dinner with this stewardess
She doesn't speak English
[ He doesn't speak Spanish ]
She's beautiful
She wants me to meet her family
Do you understand a gram is seven bucks?
My nana thought I got kidnapped
She won't even look at me
You can get one for each nostril for less than fifteen bucks
I was tossing it in the air
I was throwing it all over these women
You know how when you are in your apartment alone and you realize the best times of your life are over and all you have to look forward to is a beer gut from hell when you're 40?
You know?
It's not like that down here
It's like fucking "Cocoon" down here
You get reborn
I'm telling you
I was with "She Wolf"
The other one is calling me, telling me she loves me and wants me to take her back to America
I have no words
So what's going on there?
I'm going to go because this phone call is costing me seventeen dollars
~O~
: EVERY MOMENT IS LOVELY, YES :
21 x like a billion = how much I love you:
that blocked call was so much better than my blocked call
tringizi
two blocked calls in one day, awesome
A fantastic Economics lesson, beyond what could be got at any school.
The cartel trickle-down santa claus-is-a-real-situation theory?
So tell us, were you scribbling this down very fast or were there long reflective spaces between the statements? (Method question: forgive.)
"I can't even tell you"
"Do you understand?"
Q. Where did the chicken in the kitchen leave her egg?
ovenest
oh dude i can totally relate to this one.
or
i'm feeding my baby while i read this. i'm telling you. i'm eating cereal for dinner. mincepa! mincepa!
my nana is dead.
(great story)
Tom,
I was scribbling very fast. A gram for each nostril tends to speed up phone calls ;-) I realize now that maybe the spaces between the lines don't do a good job of conveying the rapid-fire way in which the caller was delivering his monologue. Maybe a big block of text would have been better?
~O~
Rollerfink,
Thanks. And I'm sorry your nana is dead, but I am very happy about your mincepa. That's pretty awesome.
~O~
Maybe a big block of text would have been better?
No, the interpolated spaces as you have them help deliver the weird staccato rhythms of mental disconnectedness, synapses firing at warp speed interrupted by aphasic lacunae the size of the Grand Canyon.
"splarp"
i be cashing in my beer gut rain check in approx. nine yrs. the
phone is ringing - ohmygawd
padistfu.
yeah, it's amazing how fast those nine years will go by ... and yet at the same time the agony it causes thinking about it will be slow slow slow
bless
Cool, you write so good man, I dig your style.
Was this inspired on reality? it sounds to me at least.
I spent a fair amount of time in colombia, and I felt I knew what you where talking. I know it can be like that, then it all depends on how you react to it.
Take care man
It's a true lie :)
Loved your reply, I guess it is not going to be that easy for me to fool you.
Take care man
They weren't gunshots. If you knew more about Medellin you'd know it's just pólvora or fireworks. Little kids and teenagers light them off during the holidays. Way to spread the image of extranjeros doing nothing here but consuming cocaine and fucking poor barrio girls. Good job! Colombians are embarrassed by the stories like the one you tell.
CORRECTION: Little kids and children play with dangerous explosives at 4 am outside of brothels during Christmas in Colombia.
yeah, it is a problem in the city and there is a big public campaign against polvoro because it blows off fingers and people get injured all the time.
It's not the discomfort so much as the social stigma, plus the fact that so few people seem to really understand...
That's great that fingerless American fatties help out the sex racket in Medellin. If not for them, how would all the cokehead visitors try the local flavor and get laid? Besides those dumb desperate barrio are a great bang, it's perfect for a postcard home, a blog, or...oh hey you've got that already, wonderful.
Rollerfink, you made milk shoot out my nose. For that, I thank you.
TC, always the educator. I thank you as well.
pogopop, what can I say? This is not the New York Times travel section, it is just writing. Repulsion is encouraged here. And this is not a commentary on the country or the people. If this is a commentary at all, it is a commentary about the person speaking, the narrator. But let's not act like cocaine and hookers and guns do not exist there. They do. They exist here, too. That shit is everywhere, and nobody can make it not true by denying its existence. Have a nice day.
very well said. Props! As far as the sparse, post-modern narrative goes, you've got a cool style.
Thank you, sir
Yo <3 Arepa
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