: EVERY MOMENT IS LOVELY, YES :

{ sentences for someone who will not see them }

A glass of water is still too complicated to drink. More difficult than walking over a wet sidewalk grate. My feet slide across it and I think of tongues licking teeth, the teeth of a father with daughters only, a dad who drunk-dials me during the day and says, "What could be more honest than that?" See, she fell and he laughed, and he says, "The only reason I ever love someone is because it feels so fucking great." Actually, I said it, and he says, "What could be more selfish than that?" And I want to defile him with a hug.

He says, "Never have them, man, not even boys, and never ever get married," and the thought makes me thirsty but I cannot solve simple liquid so I talk until my tongue tastes like quarters and my lips stick on a word I never allow myself to utter. He says, "I love them, don't get me wrong. But, dude, do not do it because you will be trapped inside a dirty-water soap bubble that never pops," and I say, "No worries, bro. I do not need that crutch in my life," and I swear I can hear him nod over the phone at that untruth and he says, "Love is just not killing the person you lie with and to, and for that alone give a gesundheit."

I sneeze and my feet move over cement, dodge piles of dog shit, crush empty cans and I make monster sounds. There is one woman I should love, but I do not. I never speak to or of her, except to gain someone's sympathy. I tell myself this is how we set each other free, and that must be some kind of love, and I only feel guilty about not feeling guilty. She and I are a bit sad and well alive, which is better than dying happy, and I forget my friend is on the phone until he laughs like a guitar riff because I said all that aloud and I thought I was just thinking it.

I hang up and a blast of water splashes my face. A kid in a window is spraying me with a powerful squirt gun and yells, "Sorry, mister!" but he does not stop. I am soaked and yell thanks and tell the kid that if he knew me at all he would be using bullets. The water feels good, chills my face and chest and back. I open my mouth wide and he fills it with water and still I cannot figure out how to drink any of it.


~O~

20 x like a billion = how much I love you:

xTx said...

last paragraph me love long time

gamefaced said...

standerp post, sir.

~otto~ said...

xTx, oh me so oh me so oh me so you know the rest.

~otto~ said...

gamefaced, derpy very muchness.

bladderlikeabitch said...

i rather like having kids. idk.

~otto~ said...

I admire that about you, bladderlikeabitch. Bless.

Kevin said...

Pops sounds like he gives good advice.

HOIST said...

Monster sounds! My doctor recommended those.

ana c. said...

<3
and "abomadoo"

TC said...

And he says:

"This is a man who is going to be doing a deal with the Devil before nightfall".

~otto~ said...

HOIST,

Monster sounds cure everything except ingrown toenails. For those, you need to whistle like a train for 45 minutes a day.

~otto~ said...

ana c.,

<3 back. Thank your for reading.

~otto~ said...

TC,

Well before nightfall. Maybe before noon.

~otto~ said...

Kevin,

Drunk-dials during the day are always founts of wisdom.

tia prouhet said...

I keep reading this. The title is the saddest thing I have ever read. Maybe that's because my vagina is about to bleed or maybe because I had three hours of sleep or maybe because I'm a little drunk or maybe because I always secretly want/don't the people to read things about themselves and recognize themselves or maybe it's because it is, in fact, the saddest thing ever. I want to be face raped by a stranger's water gun. But maybe not a child's. I don't know.

TC said...

Me too. Exactly. Kind of.

xx T

(and "sympithe")

~otto~ said...

Tia,

It makes me happy to bring this sadness into the world. Children are cruel but at least they have guns. Thank you.

No pants.

~otto~ said...

TC,

Well said.

R said...

My kingdom for a drunk dial, you owe me one or two! Lick your teeth until you hear the the beep and the click and the space between.

~otto~ said...

R,

At least three. And teeth-licking is divine.

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